Thursday, May 26, 2022

Shatter

 The streets are empty,
The memories shattered,
Your sense of self is diluted,

What’s left?

Nothing, utter nothingness.

Dreams are just that, superfluous perceptions of our life that we have. They are fragile and are easily shattered, and together with it comes a torrent of emotions that just drown you until you suffocate and lay down your weapons, its not worth fighting it anymore. 

You’ve been playing a tug-of-war for ages now, rest, give up, its not for you anymore. You're no more man, just an empty shell that was full of hope and happiness. The emptiness is felt only by you, the world will continue looking at you like the weirdo you’ve been. 

Funny isn’t it? All the signs you’ve been giving out but it fell on deaf ears, your story would make someone a star on the stand-up comedy scene. 

If they were listening, they would have heard the shout for help and the pain. You blast the cry for help out loud, but they think you’re just weird as always, and your tastes has always been on the other end of the spectrum. You lay low, try to take in the world around you, try to put some order amidst the chaos in your mind, but they think you’re just a lazy ass sitting around all day. 

Then comes the day, when the only sentence being uttered is ‘if we had known’. 


Sunday, April 17, 2022

Tick

 Aren’t we all just ticking time-bombs waiting to go off?

One decision leads to the other, and you’re taken back by previous decisions. The ‘what ifs’ start populating your brain till you are frozen in disbelief, and you ask yourself ‘where is the way of life?’

Life ends with death, joy with sadness, but where does a lived life end? 

Is it at the end of an experience, the end of great chemistry or at the douse of a fiery flame?

We cross some bridges and burn them down, we invest in these bridges and watch them turn to ashes then we stop living to question ourselves

Were these bridges meant to become ashes? Will we tick till we as well turn to the never ending surrounding ashes?

We all go off at some point, but do we get to decide how we go out? I am just fumbling for answers but I end up with more questions

Should I jump or is it worth walking the darkness? Over and over I am met with more questions.

Turn the knob down, pause all the sense, and wait for the implosion to come. You’ve got only one way out…

Wait for the boom.

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Shimmer

 I was a fan of this universe, the glow of the city lights, the colours playing on my fingertips. A flow of happiness that just surrounded me and lifting me to play amongst the clouds. But I have always been blind, I did not see the truth that was in front of me and my senses were just dulled with that sense of happiness.

It all shimmered.

The smiles, memories and fragrances were like a mirage, shimmering in front of me but always out of reach, just eye candy. Reach out and the colours fade, sit and watch and you can enjoy a fake life.

I am curious.

I stepped over the edge, taking a leap of faith to see what is beyond this warped reality. And then nothing. A vast, open-ended nothing.

Removing the shimmering happiness, I have nothing to bring colours to this grey-scaled world. I am already addicted to the shimmer, I cannot bear looking at the world in black and white...yet the voice in my head ask me to wait it out, have a sip of time and your wounds will heal.

So I allow myself, to drift off in the peaceful sleep and allow the world to turn dark, I do not need to see anymore for I have seen it all, I do not need to feel anymore for I have turn numb.


Thursday, March 24, 2022

Raw

 

Well I never would have believed it, I have been told countless time that the viper strikes faster than lightning but I never thought that I would have been struck. I gave him the dagger and bared my chest for him to strike but he never advanced. Once I had my back turned it was another story. He used the opportunity to strike me in the back and revel in that flowed.

What I though all that time was that this was the one person that had my back all the time, boosted me to reach new heights in my life but all the time he was waiting for the perfect opportunity to knock me down. If I asked everyone to write down the person they trust, would he write down his name?

Filthy as he is, he ought to bring everyone down to his level. I gave him everything that I held dear but he poisoned these thing and just turned them against me. Now I wear my sunglasses to protect my eyes from burning away, yet he appears to me to be that dim light that guides me towards my goals and desire, what f it all is just a plot to hit me when my guard is low?

Yet I gotta strive to create a path to continue to mark my life onto this world. When I am gone who will remember me besides this piece of filth celebrating over my dead body? Desperate people who wished they were here before things when down. I am sorry everyone, but I have to disappear for you to realize the toxic people surrounding you, I hope my sacrifice will be enough to avoid you the same pain.

To my brother, I wish you ll the luck in the world, you are dedicated and I wish you realize what you set out for without that viper stopping you dead in your tracks, strive for it and achieve what the both of us set out for!

Monday, January 17, 2022

The Chemist

 

We all had dreams when growing up, some dreamt of becoming pilots, other astronauts. The rollercoaster of life caused some of us to become chemists, whether by choice or not. Chained to their laboratory, experimenting, and forfeiting sobriety.

They play the chemist with dull knives till they are on the floor hitting the ceiling and falling off the cliff, tiptoeing in the void, leaving behind a broken Lego house. Staring from the deepest of the deep end up to the world that others live in, searching for the sun but they meet only with unnatural lights that burn their skins to their bone, sharing their ‘sins’ for the people above to point at.

They chained themselves consuming their chemistry, till it’s the latter that is consuming them and dictating their moves.

We fight off oppression, looking for independence and freedom but we put to the side those that are oppressed by their alter ego, addiction. Should we not extend a hand to help?

The society we live in taught us to turn a blind eye to those that are struggling and to show them that we are better. Their humanity is slowly burning up, leaving them to die over and over again in their head. Dull knives are twisting their insides, making them ask for more chemistry to ease the pain that they create.

Countless left their lives in the pursuit of chemistry, being animals in a cage constantly tortured by the small voices inside their head. They will lift the telephone to call for help, but it’s the demons of their past that answers, they cry for help, but people will say ‘you made your choice now deal with it’.

Who do they turn to when spirits are their only friends? Where do they run to when their house does not feel like a home anymore? The only recourse they have left is to pop one more and hit the floor in an eternal slumber, finally rid of the pain.

They ultimately renounced a family, a future and love. I saw the pain left behind firsthand, I am lacking words to explain the pain or to give any encouragements, take care of what you have before missing it.

 

Special thoughts to the victims of drugs and addiction, and to the close ones of the victims. The fight is hard, but with support and humanity there is hope, do not let that hope extinguish.

Monday, January 10, 2022

Expectations

 They say do good and karma will reward you, do bad and karma will punish you.

But who decide what is good and bad, who deserves punishment or not? How are we expected to live under the threat of punishment by some astral figure? 

What if instead life is just a circle of pain and rest and karma is a human construction of a moral code? 

The boy lived some hard times, getting his soul ripped slowly away, tear ducts like a desert and the heart going numb with pain. He wishes for it to be over one way or the other, seeking an eternal cure for pain.

Then come a moment of rest, where the pain goes on a hiatus and the boy learns to smile again. The smile is so fake however..

What is the use of smiling if the circle starts all over again and the pain comes back and hits even harder, and it will eventually come as we are mere pawns of a higher power. Acting out a play for the sickening enjoyment of someone, or something. 

Thus the boy smile not, but close his eyes and accept the fate to come.

If the goal of his life is to be in pain, let pain be his oxygen. He will not complain, he will not lash out, he will only write so that one day his close ones can understand his actions.

Seek not answers while reading, but open your mind to questions. 

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Deep Under

 Deep under he is scared, scared of what could happen or what should happen. He is always on the edge, trying to achieve greatness in vain. He close his eyes and dream of himself being at the climax of his life, only to open them and realize that he is groveling in the dirt.

Life is not a wish-making factory, there is no stairway to heaven, albeit, we aren’t sure if heaven is a concrete matter or a fantasy of a life’s suffering.

Trying to carry his weight around on the Earth, he raise his head to glimpse of what he could become, if only he was someone else. Someone said to him “Someday you will take your own life, to leave a mark here in this world” and since then, he is scared, scared of what could happen or what should happen.

He walks with a quick smile, a fading one. He jokes to make others think he is at peak shape, he plans his future with his loved ones, a lie in its essence. He plans ahead of what he knows he will not reach. His life is like a lit cigarette, the more everyone takes a puff out of it the less he has to live, to struggle, but he also slowly kills everyone around him.

His pen and his guitar are helping him trudge through the mud, yet his pen and his guitar are drowning him in the upmost sorrow, a sorrow that is stabbing him with every breathe that he takes. His life blood pour out of the wounds, and everyone raises their cups to his fall. He did not go as a Julius Caesar, but like a mundane individual out of the billions in existence. “Love, you will someday achieve” they told him, but inside, he keeps the darkness close at heart as he knows that this will be the fuel for his writing and performance, this will be the thing that will keep him going. Going till when? he doesn’t know, but what he knows is that to use the darkness as such will surely cost him everything.

Not everything, his only respite is that the darkness will leave behind sadness, his mark.

Shatter

  The streets are empty, The memories shattered, Your sense of self is diluted, What’s left? Nothing, utter nothingness. Dreams are just tha...